Friday, December 11, 2009

Goldilocks and The Three Zombies

Okay, so you probably read that title and it caught your eye, but it needs a little background before we actually get into it. See, my little boys like to be told stories at night, and I encourage them to tell stories as well. And my oldest tonight was pretending to create a video game with zombies in it (though they were parasite induced-- and removing the parasite wouldn't cure the zombie-- just turned them into dust). And with that, he inspired the following story that my boys heard tonight, that I'm now going to share with you.

GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE ZOMBIES
--by Janin Wise

Once upon a time, there were three zombies. Momma zombie-- whose hair was mostly fallen out. Poppa zombie-- who'd lost his left arm. And baby zombie-- who no longer had either of his legs. They'd fallen off over the course of the years. Anyway, Momma zombie was in the kitchen making breakfast: Stewed BRAINS!! Baby zombie's -favorite-!

Once she got breakfast all ready, the zombie family decided to go for a nice walk around the graveyard and give the food time to cool before they ate it. So they loaded Baby zombie up in a stroller (after all, he didn't have any legs) and headed out for a stroll.

Now while they were out, Goldilocks happened upon their crypt.... Now I know what you're think: Goldilocks is a cute little girl with blonde hair, right? Nope! Not in -THIS- story! In -this- story, Goldilocks has blonde hair alright, but she's a giant caterpillar monster! Anyway! She's come across their crypt as she was wandering about-- even though her Momma caterpillar monster had TOLD her she needed to find a nice cozy spot and build herself a cocoon. But she wasn't listening.

As she got nearer to the zombie's crypt, she smelled something that smelled -delicious-!! She'd know that smell anywhere! It was STEWED BRAINS!!! Her favorite! So she pushed her way right into that crypt and headed for the kitchen.

Now, when she got there, she saw a -huge- bowl, so she headed to it first, and stuck in her spoon and got a BIG ole mouthful of those stewed brains-- But pbbt! sputter! hack! She spit it right back out because it was TOO HOT!

So she headed for the next largest ball, stuck in her spoon and got a big ole mouthful-- But ACK! She spit it right back out because it was TOO COLD! EWWW!!! (She didn't like -cold- stewed brains!)

Then she saw the smallest bowl, and stuck in her spoon and got a mouthful-- and it was JUST RIGHT! So she ate that bowlful of stewed brains in nothing flat! And even though her Momma told her it wasn't proper behavior, (Momma wasn't there to see, now was she?) Goldilocks LICKED that bowl clean!

Then she wanted to see what was on Crypt TV, so she headed into the room and flipped on "All Spiders, All The Time", her favorite show. She saw a HUGE coffin, so she climbed into it-- but it was too hard! Then she saw a medium coffin, so she climbed into it-- but it was silk lined and plushy and didn't feel good against her. Then she saw a small wooden coffin, so she climbed into it and it was -perfect-! So she snuggled down to enjoy her shows-- and she broke it all to pieces! She was -way- too big to be in that little coffin!

Well, after all that adventuring, she decided to make her cocoon then and there, where she could still hear her favorite show as she drifted off to sleep.

Now it wasn't terribly long after this that the zombie family finished up their stroll around the graveyard. But as they approached their home, they could see that the crypt door was left wide open! SOMEONE had been in their home!!

They went in and headed for the kitchen. Poppa zombie walked over to his bowl and said, "SOMEONE has been eating my BRAINS!" And Momma zombie went over to her bowl and said, "And Someone has been eating MY Brains!" And Baby zombie looked in his bowl and started to cry as he said, "Someone's been eating my brains too! And they ate them ALL GONE!!"

Just about that time, they heard "All Spider All The Time" on their crypt television. And Momma and Poppa zombie wouldn't let Baby zombie watch it: It'd rot out his brain, and they didn't want that happening any faster than it already was!

So they dashed into the coffin room. And Poppa zombie said, "SOMEONE has been sleeping in my COFFIN!" And Momma zombie said, "Someone has been sleeping in MY Coffin too!" And Baby zombie said, "Someone's been sleeping in my coffin too! And they broke it all to pieces and left this large snoring silk sack!"

Now, just about this time, Goldilocks woke up. And she heard the commotion outside of her cocoon, and figured she'd best get out of there!

So she busted out of her cocoon and!........

Do you know what she turned into?

A Butterfly?

That's normally what would happen at this point, right?

Well that's -EXACTLY- what happened!

She had turned into a beautiful GIANT butterfly! And she flew out of there as FAST as her new wings could carry her!

And the zombie family was left to...pick up the pieces....

THE END

And before you ask, yeah-- I really do tell my kids these stories (lol) (:

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