Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Marriage, as seen through an alarm clock

I finally figured it out.

See, when my husband and I were dating, over a decade ago, I drove to visit him in Texas.  In the early hours of the morning, while we were sleeping, I sat bolt upright in bed.  He continued to sleep.  I stood out of bed.  He continued to sleep. And I spent the next 5 minutes frantically searching for the alarm clock that was going off.  Mutedly.  Turns out, it was in the bottom of his bag, under all his clothes, behind the other side of the bed.  And he continued to sleep.

In the first year of our marriage, we both discovered that health and safety would be better served if the alarm clock was on MY side of the bed.  Why?  Because if he had to get up before me and his alarm clock went off on HIS side of the bed, and he didn't immediately address it (which he never does), I would literally leap over/on him in my half-awake attempt to get to it.

In our third year of marriage, we had our first child and had found another solution to our alarm clock issues. He started working night shifts so his alarm would go off when I wasn't home.  So if he wanted to ignore it going off every 5 minutes for the next 20, he could.  In peace.

...Except when I'm home.

When I'm home, and it goes off, even though I'm in the living room and it's all the way down the hallway in our bedroom, I get up, and go turn it off.  Then I ask him what time he intended to get up.  Sometimes it's for the time he set it.  Usually, it's a good hour or two after that.

I've never understood how he can sleep through an alarm clock.

Until today.

Today, I realized that THIS is his internal clock:

Mine, on the other hand, means that most mornings, I wake up just before the alarm clock goes off because I hear the shifting of the gears that means it -going- to ring.  My internal clock is also set to go off with the first rays of sunlight...  And the slightest noise that is out of place...  And any source of bright light...even if that light is creeping under the doors and I have my back to it.

So what I also realized is that MY internal clock is set like this:

If our alarm clocks could speak, first, they would say

Then they'd start telling you stories about how we're a classic case of

But they've only seen us when we're in bed together doing what comes naturally:

We were all thinking 'sleeping', right? (;

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