Friday, January 20, 2012

Terrible Action Phrases

So my boys watched Fairly Odd Parents this morning.  It was the episode featuring Timmy's favorite action hero figure, the Crimson Chin-- but it was last year's model.  And he had some truly chin-terrible action phrases.

Now, perhaps it's the need to go back to sleep talking, but I could't help envisioning a handy maternal action figure with other (non-chin specific) terrible action phrases.

You know, all those things Moms say to their kids...that in retrospect are really no help at all.  JUST what the kids need, right? (;


"How bad could it be?"  (Which is sort of a call out to the universe to smite you, right there and then.)

"It's all fun and games until someone looses an eye."  (Which implies that not only is loosing an eye highly likely, but the game isn't over until it happens....)

"Monkey see, Monkey do."  (Is that supposed to be an admonishment...or advice?  After all, Mary Poppins came down from the clouds just fine with -her- umbrella.  The roof is so much closer to the ground already, right?)

"A penny saved is a penny earned." (This one actually has me wondering if, when my boys are old enough to have them, their children will even know what a penny is...)

"To the victor goes the spoils."  (Filed under "Bullying and other fun ways to get what you want.")

"You are what you eat." (So eating dirt = Sandman and eating boogers = Flubber and eating chicken = ...wait...)

"Ignorance is bliss." (So skip school!)

"Look before you leap."  (Which doesn't say, "Don't Leap."  It just says, "Look first, see the great distance you'll be plummeting to your doom, then go right ahead.  ...And don't forget that Mommy love you.")

"Accidents will happen."  (Remember that first one?  Yeah,  here's another one that says, "Yes, please.  Smite me.")

"There's an exception to every rule." (Talk about opening up a can of worms.  This one implies you can get away with anything...if you can figure out what the exception is.)

"Blood is thicker than water."  (Sounds like a call for a science experiment...that's going to be followed up with a panicked, "Mooooooommmmm!.....Can you come here?"....and possible stitches....probably stitches.)

"It goes without saying."  (But here we are, saying anyway.  I believe this might be a milder version of "I told you so.")

(Speaking of which...)  "I told you so."

"Actions speak louder than words."  (I can't help but remember hearing the joke of a mother spanking her son saying, "Don't" (spank) "Hit" (spank) "Your Sister." (spank).")

"That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger." (Is it just me, or do a lot of these like tempting fate?)

"You can't have your cake and eat it too."  (Oh, and Happy Birthday!)

"Fight fire with fire."  (Filed under "How to raise your very own sweet little arsonist.")

"The best things in life are free." (Now, how to explain why you can't just walk out of the store without paying...)

Now she just needs one of these

in her back loaded up with the phrases.

Because, as any Mom can tell you, kids are great at pushing our buttons.  (;

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