Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Thirty Day Writing Challenge, Day 11: Your Current Relationship

My current relationship with myself is largely love/ apathy. 

I love the things I can do, when I'm actively out doing.  But I don't have much patience for myself when I -don't- have the time, energy, or motivation to be doing. 

I feel like I'm running out time with too much needing done and clearly not enough time to do it...so why bother? 

But the longer I procrastinate, the less time for doing there is.  And it doesn't give me any more time or energy, and I just end up feeling guilty that I'm not living up to my potential. 

There are people entirely happy to work forty hours a week, come home, watch television, take care of house and family, surrounded by pets and loved ones.  And it's enough.  I KNOW people like this.  And it's enough.  For them. 

Why can't it be enough for me?  WHY do I have to feel the need to do more?  Make more? BE more? 

I don't know. 

But it isn't enough. 

I would like to be able to live by the fruits of my creativity.  Regularly.  Healthy.  Like a real job.  But I don't want my passion to become a tedious real job.

So I create as I can, in which ever medium I'm currently drawn to (lately, it's words), and try to be more forgiving of the moments when I have to accept that I'm human, with all the failings that can entail.

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