My current relationship with myself is largely love/ apathy.
I love the things I can do, when I'm actively out doing. But I don't have much patience for myself when I -don't- have the time, energy, or motivation to be doing.
I feel like I'm running out time with too much needing done and clearly not enough time to do it...so why bother?
But the longer I procrastinate, the less time for doing there is. And it doesn't give me any more time or energy, and I just end up feeling guilty that I'm not living up to my potential.
There are people entirely happy to work forty hours a week, come home, watch television, take care of house and family, surrounded by pets and loved ones. And it's enough. I KNOW people like this. And it's enough. For them.
Why can't it be enough for me? WHY do I have to feel the need to do more? Make more? BE more?
I don't know.
But it isn't enough.
I would like to be able to live by the fruits of my creativity. Regularly. Healthy. Like a real job. But I don't want my passion to become a tedious real job.
So I create as I can, in which ever medium I'm currently drawn to (lately, it's words), and try to be more forgiving of the moments when I have to accept that I'm human, with all the failings that can entail.