Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Thirty Day Writing Challenge, Day 11: Your Current Relationship

My current relationship with myself is largely love/ apathy. 

I love the things I can do, when I'm actively out doing.  But I don't have much patience for myself when I -don't- have the time, energy, or motivation to be doing. 

I feel like I'm running out time with too much needing done and clearly not enough time to do it...so why bother? 

But the longer I procrastinate, the less time for doing there is.  And it doesn't give me any more time or energy, and I just end up feeling guilty that I'm not living up to my potential. 

There are people entirely happy to work forty hours a week, come home, watch television, take care of house and family, surrounded by pets and loved ones.  And it's enough.  I KNOW people like this.  And it's enough.  For them. 

Why can't it be enough for me?  WHY do I have to feel the need to do more?  Make more? BE more? 

I don't know. 

But it isn't enough. 

I would like to be able to live by the fruits of my creativity.  Regularly.  Healthy.  Like a real job.  But I don't want my passion to become a tedious real job.

So I create as I can, in which ever medium I'm currently drawn to (lately, it's words), and try to be more forgiving of the moments when I have to accept that I'm human, with all the failings that can entail.

Thirty Day Writing Challenge: Day 10, A Fruit You Dislike and Why

A fruit I dislike and why:

I don't like the taste or texture of star fruit.  I don't like how hard it is to get into coconuts and pomegranate.  I don't like the seeds on strawberries and inside watermelon.  I don't like the hair of mango or the mushy, seed filled center of cantaloupe and honeydew. 

But I'll eat all of them. 

Except star fruit. 

Those are just gross.

Thirty Day Writing Challenge: Day 9, Your Feelings on Ageism

My feelings on ageism

Looking back, I can tell I was an ageist.  (Most little kids are.)  It's easy to reduce it to your little sister being too young to ride your bike, and the elderly neighbor being too old to skateboard.  But that's largely harmless ageism (except from my sister's perspective, when I wouldn't let her tag along).

It becomes more complicated as you, ironically, age.

In college the first time, I thought teachers were too old to hang out with/ date students, and that students were my age, and was shocked by 'real' adults coming back for their education.

As parents, we tend to have pre-existing social limits and laws that we must adhere to, that are entirely, and literally ageist:  back facing child seat until 2, booster seats until 5, when to start preschool, and their birth date MUST fall in this range to start that grade...

And when I returned to college to finish my degree, I was on the other end of my first trip, and could see both my teachers and classmates as peers, and in hind sight, wished I'd had the ability to do so a decade prior.

As a working adult, I know people who aren't hired because 'they're too old'.  I know that I'm not that far from reaching the age when hireability becomes harder, in this ever hardening job market.

But it's subtler as well.  My friends all used to be within five years of my own age.

Now, they're up to twenty years younger, and sixty years older, and I love that we can have them all to our home in a mixed party, and everyone have a good time because age doesn't matter.

But I'd be naive to think that an absolute.

Because outside, in the population at large, we still have ageist policy and practice: 

Retirement age. 

Age to vote. 

To buy alcohol. 

To drive.

To marry. 

To run for president. 

Ageism is an ingrained part of our society.  But it's largely harmless...Right?

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Thirty Day Writing Challenge: Day 8, A Book You Love and One You Didn't

A book I love and one I didn't...
Ach!  How to choose just one!!!  That's like being asked to pick your favorite child (to which I always tell my boys, when they insist on asking, "the one behaving" and if they object that they're both behaving, I tell them they're both my favorite! (lol)).
A book I love...  I guess I'll have to pick 'The Complete Works of the Brothers Grimm'.  I've read it so many times, I've broken the spine of multiple copies.
A book I didn't love is much easier:  'Winter's Heart' in the Wheel of Time series.  I didn't much enjoy the books leading up to it, but slogging through this one not only stopped me from attempting to finish reading the series...It quashed my previously avid reading. 
I've still not fully recovered. 
And that was two years ago. 
I might have read six books last year.  I've read three so far this year. 
I used to read a book every three to five days. 
My library misses me. 
But I'm still recovering from being under the malaise of reading apathy.