Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Today, I'm wearing dowdy black unders that are ugly, but comfortable, and likely to get me labeled a granny, if anyone save my husband saw them. Over that, I'm wearing comfortable black slacks, perfectly acceptable for grocery shopping without being accused of wearing pajamas, flexible enough to do my morning vinyasas, and if they ever had a crease up the front, my utter refusal to iron finally prevailed, and they've long since given up.
I'm wearing a nude sports bra, should I actually decide to go to the gym and get on the treadmill-- I'm leaning towards no right now, but the bra increases the chances, yes? Over that, I'm wearing a grey t-shirt featuring a tribute to the Never Ending Story, because at heart, I'm a nerd, and I love that movie.
I almost forget that I wear glasses, I've been doing it so long. This pair seems almost like magic when I think back on the thick glass, heavy plastic glasses that I wore as a child. They are frameless, so incredibly lightweight I hardly feel them on my face at all, with light responsive sepia turning lenses. I love not having to worry about sunglasses, or a little clip on to put over my glasses, and feel like I'm regularly wearing the future.
My ears are thrice pierced, but I almost never wear earrings in the middle holes. At the third and highest set, I wear white gold earrings that made the holes almost six years ago. It took three different attempts (at 16, 21, and finally again in my 30s) to get these holes to last, so I never take them out, save to clean them. One is dented, and a reminder I should probably go ahead and replace them-- It snagged on my hair, fell out, and was stepped on before I realized it was not where it should be.
In the primary holes, I was wearing my auryns, but they get heavy and I've since removed them. My earrings are one of the few things I actually use to accessorize my clothing. (Well, that and hair accessories.) Today, I wear my hair natural and unadorned, not a thing in it, save the silver white streaks time is finally putting there.
I wear my rings. On the left hand, a white gold, and star sapphire ring with swirls and waves. My momma bought this ring with her own money- her first purchase for herself, with her first paycheck from the Army when she was eighteen. There are tiny diamond chips that you only know are there because they sometimes catch the light. And in the right light, the sapphire is brilliant deep blue, with two milky stars that seem to float up from its surface. She gave it to me when I turned eighteen.
Paired with it, as though my mother's ring were an engagement ring, I wear my wedding band. It's not the first one we said our vows with--those were silver and had warped and thinned to unwearable within the first seven years. So we got these to replace those (though my old band still sits in my jewelry box, and my children adore to pull it out and ask about our wedding).
This one is titanium- It does not warp or thin. It will retain its shape long after my fingers are but bone (unless an untimely trip through the vacuum awaits in its future). At the center of this almost gray band is a thin scrawl of gold, a token tribute to the traditional wedding band.
And to round out the outfit, a pair of slip on, ballet style, black flats, with a little silver decoration at the bow, that jingles against the top of my foot as I walk quickly about.
Things I'd say to an ex:
How have you been? What have you been up to?
(I'm fb friends with the vast majority of my exes, and that's exactly how the conversations started, regardless of which one of us started it.)
On an amusing aside, my kids once asked me about 'before Dad'- and wanted to know every boy I'd dated previously. So I told them about the past and showed them how those men are doing in the present: That I celebrate their victories and milestones, wish them happy birthday, enjoy seeing their vacations or kids growing up, and worry for them when things are rough- because we're still friends.
My husband is still friends with his exes as well.
We've been together for 18+ years.
Our exes are a lifetime ago.
Four weird traits I have?
1. I don't typically consider myself weird, but years of experience have let me know plenty of other people do. When I was fourteen, my dad nicknamed me, "Weirdo" and thought it a compliment.
2. I'm an avid,vivid dreamer, with a high probability of remember my dreams.
3. I touch my nose when I figure something out, because I "knows" it (;
4. There is a lot of random information in my head. Not as much as when I was young, but I'm still regularly surprised by what all is in there.
Something I miss: When I was a kid, I was always 'Here. Now.'
I didn't question if I could or couldn't do something - I did it. I didn't care what anyone else thought, I was assured and confident. I was open to the universe and followed my intuitions.
As a grown up, I am much more unsure, prone to skepticism, a touch jaded, personally timid, and occasionally insecure.
Here. Now. is so far between. I miss how easy it all seemed.
And I'm working on find my way back to it.
I dislike when the boy cat boobie traps the dog door. I dislike when the cat decides NOW is exactly the time I need to get up....regardless of the hour.
I dislike when the youngest grumpy child is particularly grumpy. I dislike when my oldest child is disrespectful. I dislike when my husband thinks he's funny when he's really, REALLY not.
And there are times that I'm mad at all of them.
But I don't dislike any of them. And I love them all.